THREE YEARS!!!

As most of you know (because I never shut up about something I'm excited about), my three year anniversary with Kevin was yesterday.

Now, I remember on April 1st, I had asked my dad if I could have the 28th off. I begged and pleaded; I even marked the store callendar to make sure he didn't forget. On the 27th, as I said, Dad had told me he wanted me to work on our anniversary. I was SO MAD, I even told Mom, "I can't believe he's making me work!" Remember? I was fuming by that morning, and couldn't believe he would make me work!! But, I guess that's life. And besides, I was looking forward to being able to see him that night, anyway. So I got up, I put on my beautiful shirt that I had bought myself from Buckle, put on some makeup, and walked out the door positive about the day ahead of me. It was, after all, my THREE YEAR ANNIVERSARY :]

I had made Kevin a scrapbook consisting of the MySpace conversations between us the first week that we basically knew each other. You know, the messages that say "Hey, I think I like you," and lead to (that week, anyway) "We should go on a date." I thought it was special and something he could laugh at, something that would make him smile, and most of all, remind him of how we met, three years ago.


I brought it along with me when Dad and I went to work. For some reason, we left at 8:30 that morning. I had been WAY too excited to sleep until 8:00 (like usual) and I woke up at 6:30 instead. So we had plenty of time to get ready and leave early because Dad had woken up early too. We were in the car, on our way to work, and I got a call from Kevin. I was shocked that he was up that early, and he said he was doing homework and just waking up. When we got to the store, Dad opened up; turned on the computer, turned on the laminator and the radio. Then he glanced at the clock and said, "I thought it was a quarter to 10:00, not 9:00!" For some reason, I had a sneaking suspicion that he had really known what time it was all along. I don't know, maybe it was my still-wishful-thinking that they both had something up their sleeve to surprise me.

Dad kept asking about the scrapbook, and I said it was for Kevin. He asked if since it was so early, I wanted to go to drop it off at Kevin's house to say Happy Anniversary before work, then we could go to Wal-Mart. I said sure, and we locked up the shop. We headed over to Wal-Mart first, and I got batteries for my camera. We got snacks for the store and other things, too.

Afterwards, Dad drove to Kevin's house and parked in the driveway. I got out of the truck and told him I'd be right back, not worrying about my purse or anything; just the scrapbook. When I ran up the sidewalk and pressed my ear to the front door, I could hear music coming from inside. I rang the doorbell twice anyway, just incase anyone else was home; I didn't want to go barging in! But after nobody came to the door, I walked inside myself. I was greeted by the wonderful smell of bacon and eggs. I walked around the corner and hugged Kevin. When we parted, I crossed my arms and glared at him, smirking at the same time. He kissed me, told me Happy Anniversary, and told me to sit down. My first thought was My dad's outside. So I went outside and saw the truck still in the driveway. I walked up to it and crossed my arms again. I couldn't believe they surprised me! They did, after all, have something up their sleeves! My dad smiled and said, "Ahh, we got you good!" and handed me my purse through the car window. He told me he'd see me later, and drove away. I went back in the house and watched Kevin cook for me. He made scrambled eggs, bacon, and pancakes. Breakfast was delicious and the most amazing surprise. I gave Kevin the scrapbook of our MySpace conversations and he laughed about each page, reminiscing on our life three years before.

Our fun-filled morning finally came to a close when his dad came home at around noon. I was dropped off at The School Zone and Kevin had to go to school at 1:00. I basically stayed in the back room for the rest of the day, until it was time to close the shop. My dad went out to eat with my mom and her friends for some school function they were having. So I was to lock up at the end of the day.

Kevin's family is always having issues with who gets what car for what day, and Kevin's brother Chris is always getting Kevin's car because he has school every day, all day long. It came to be 5:45, and I called Kevin to see if he had his car so I could be picked up by the time I got off work, at 6:00. Lo and behold, though, he didn't, and he had to wait for someone to get home, since he was home by himself at the time. Once his dad got home, though, he was told he wasn't allowed to take out his dad's car. Nor was he allowed to take out his mom's car when she got home. Yeah, I was pissed. Because then somehow it became MY fault that Kevin and I couldn't go out because I DON'T DRIVE.
Oh look, there's some of Lindsay's self-esteem. Oh! And there it goes! Bye-bye Lindsay's self-esteem!

So I kept calling my parents at the restaurant that they had been at since 4:00. Dad kept telling me that he could be at the shop in 10 minutes so he could pick us off and drop us off at Southlake. But I didn't want my dad to drop me off; I had to figure out a way to get Kevin and me out there by ourselves. So I sat on the counter after 6:00, after closing down the shop, turning off the lights, and locking the door from the inside so nobody would come inside. I had the phone pressed to my ear, talking to Kevin about everything from where we wanted to eat (a tie between Italian Bistro and Campania's Pizza and More) to what movie we wanted to see afterwards. Since Kevin's present to me was making breakfast for me, I wanted to take him out and pay for anything he wanted to do. But reality set in, and the time seemed to fly by, as it rarely does at The School Zone, and suddenly it was 7:00, 7:15, 7:30, and my anger got the best of me. I hung up with Kevin and called my dad to tell him what was going on and to beg him to take us to Southlake. They both left, went to go pick up Kevin, then came to pick me up from the shop. We were dropped off at the front, and then they left us. Kevin and I went to Campania's for supper, as we went there last year, and thought it would be a good tradition to begin. Alas, the bad events continued: when we asked for the rooftop seating, the waitress told us the rooftop was closed, due to the apparent rain we were supposed to be getting. We tried to make the best of it, and ordered Fettucini Alfredo. When our order came, though, it wasn't alfredo noodles, oh no, it was SPAGHETTI noodles. How dumb is that? Plus, it was super expensive, for some reason, and really gross, honestly. I paid, and we left. We went to go buy movie tickets, and found a showing for "I Love You, Man" at 9:15. I thought about it, and most movies are around two hours long. I didn't want my dad to have to come pick us up at 11:30. I called Dad and he said that it would be okay, since it was our anniversary, and he felt bad that Kevin's parents wouldn't let him drive.

Kevin and I walked around Southlake for a while before the movie started. Once it got to be around 9:00, we went back to the theater. I was very skeptical about this movie, though. I mean, really. It's about a guy who's getting married and doesn't have any guy friends, so he has to find the right guy to be his Best Man at his wedding. So he goes on a bajillion "bro-dates" and it just keeps getting weirder and weirder with each guy; one thinks he's gay, one IS gay, and the guy he ends up finding is a lonely bachelor who thinks girls are dumb. But I mean, to tell you the truth, that movie was AMAZING. It was hilarious and I could not stop laughing to save my life. I swear, every two minutes at least had a funny moment.

Us at the Movie Theater :]

It came to be the end of the movie, and I called my dad to let him know it was over. He told me he was sitting in his truck outside of the theater, and had been for quite some time. Apparently the movie had run over a little bit. So we both got in the back seat, and I had to regrettably tell him good-bye, goodnight, and Happy Anniversary one more time.

All in all, it was an amazing day.

I can't wait for year four :]

Three Years, Part 1

Not much to say tonight. Just that I'm SO EXCITED about mine and Kevin's three year anniversary tomorrow :]
I'm a little upset, though, that Dad wants me to work tomorrow morning because of some little "errand" he has to run that he won't tell me about. Wonder what it is. Also, I'm a little upset that Kevin has school from 1:00 to 5:00, and I work from 10:00 to 6:00...so we're not hanging out until AFTER 6:00, more than likely. So that's what, four hours? Whoop-tee-doo. That's like every OTHER date we go on. So how is this special? I guess because, well, it IS our anniversary, after all. I just can't help but wonder if Kevin (and my dad) have a little more planned than what they're letting on. I hope so...Kevin needs to work on the whole "surprising me" thing, so I wonder if he has a little something up his sleeve. :]

Anywho- I'm exhausted. Mom, Dad, and I moved around my room yesterday. So I think I moved four pieces of furniture. Whew, my back hurts, my shoulders hurt...but I'm a weenie, what can I say?
But my room looks SO GOOD. In my opinion, anyway.

So, goodnight :]

Burn it to the Ground.

Yesterday was probably the worst day I've had in a long time. And it all hit me last night, around 10:30. I don't know what set me off, but there were a million things at once being thrown in my face. I had a history test yesterday and did nothing but study all day long. Kevin came by to visit, which I was happy about because he looked so hot in his new shirt :] But I'm trying to decide where I want to go from here, and what's in store for me for the next five years. I don't know where I want to go to college after NCTC. I don't know if I want to transfer now, or later. I don't know if I'll ever amount to anything, honestly. I feel like everyone around me is moving forward, and I'm standing still. I feel like I'm losing those most important to me. Then again, if they were important enough, they'd stick around, right? But who am I to tell them to stay by my side? It's not their fault they're more successful than I am. I don't know...I just want to BE somebody. And I know that I'm the only one that can make that happen. I know that in order for me to have the life I want, I have discipline myself. I have to write some of my book everyday. I have to do something that scares me everyday, you know, like Mia? (Princess Diaries.) I have to get behind the wheel of a car. I have to get my self confidence up somehow. Because that's not very sexy at all for me to have low self esteem. I want to be sexy, dangit. I want people to look up to me and say "Wow, she's so lucky. I wish I could be just like her." I mean, not in the way like I'm this hot pop star who's stuck up and I want people to be jealous of me. I mean, it'd be nice if SOMEONE out there were jealous of me. But I doubt anyone would ever be.

Anyway, I let Kevin have it last night. On our phone conversation before bed, I screamed and cried and just let it all out. It's not that I'm ashamed of the person I am. It's just...I wish I had achieved more by now. I wish I could go through the every day experiences that everyone else sees as normal. Like going to a job every day. No, a normal job. Not a job where your dad is the boss. I've never had a NORMAL job.

So, after getting off of the phone with Kevin, I finally fell asleep. And I had (to top my horrible day off) the most horrible dream I think I've ever had. Kevin came with my family on a trip, we went to North Carolina. So my grandparents were there with my parents and then there were me and Kev. He was lovey-dovey through the whole night...but then we got in a fight. And he broke up with me. So I kept having to escape suppers and lunches and all of the fun family times to go to the bathroom so I could cry. I couldn't stop crying and I knew I never would. I was just so ... sad. And I know that's a dumb way to put because, well, obviously. But if I think that I've had my heart broken before, I don't want to know what my heart would feel like if he walked away. It was just so strange in the dream; Kevin kept wanting to be there, he kept being lovey-dovey. He wouldn't leave me alone. And I didn't get why he would just break up with me, then pretend nothing ever happened. We talked about it in the dream (our break-up) and he said he didn't want to get back together any time soon, but maybe later in life. I screamed at him more and more and lashed out so many times. "You said forever!" I kept throwing in his face. Then I woke up early this morning, crying again, because I thought that the dream was real. I couldn't control the tears and I can't imagine a life without him.

I don't know. Maybe God is trying to show me how much I would miss him if he left. How much my life would suck without him. I've had people walk out of my life for the past few years, and I've never been so upset. I mean, maybe once, of course. But I'm so, so, so thankful for those people who are still in my life.

I Need You Right Now.

Turns out, I made myself sicker by going out with Kevin. Man, I feel like the worst best friend ever. :[ I ended up not going to Cassie's last night, and I'm not hanging out with her today. I wish I could see her...I miss her so much. I just felt so bad last night; my stomach hurt and I couldn't breathe through my nose and I kept coughing and sneezing...good times. I asked her if I could just go over there last night, but not spend the night. It didn't work out, though.

But come to find out, a mixture of Nyquil and sinus medication is the perfect mixture! I was knocked out pretty fast, but then woke up in the middle of the night with a pain in my back and shoulders and couldn't go back to sleep. I wished so much that Kevin had a cell phone because I wanted to call him.

Today's a boring day, as every Sunday seems to be. I guess not so much boring as it is lazy. This morning, I ate my cereal and watched TV. I tape Fringe every week, but I've never seen an episode. So I watched the one from a few weeks ago, but I forgot one small, very important detail: American Idol had run over, so the whole show of Fringe wasn't taped. :[ I guess if worst comes to worst, I can watch it online.
Then I helped Mom and Dad pick weeds outside. We turned on the outside radio, and it made things seem to go a little faster. Around 11:00, we started to get hungry, so I went inside and made sandwiches. And so I guess since noon, I've been in my room, checking MySpace, talking to Kevin, and sorting through messages. I deleted all of the hundreds of pages that were full of messages from a "This profile no longer exists" ... which I can only guess were messages from Mandy all of those, well, months ago.
And it's making me think, also making me cry. Not full on breaking down and losing control. I just can't believe we're not friends anymore. I guess, to me, it would be like if Kevin and I broke up. It would just be...weird, and it would take forever for me to get back on my feet. She was as important to me as Kevin is now. It's just so ... weird that we're not friends. And I know it's been months (and months and months) that we haven't been friends. And longer still that we haven't seen each other. But I can't help but miss her sometimes.

Anyway, I still don't feel good, and I think I still have some Nyquil in my system. So I'm going to go take a nap.

-Lindsay

School and Work.

It's been a long week. I went to work on Monday and Tuesday, but stayed home on Wednesday and Thursday, due to being sick. My throat and head hurt, but I think it was only because my allergies have been so bad lately.

For now, though, all of that has passed. The only downside is that I cannot, for the life of me, breathe through my nose!

For the last week, I've been trying to come up with a brilliant plan for mine and Kevin's three year anniversary, which is coming up in TEN DAYS! Mom suggested a few things, and I think I'm going to try to do them. Kevin needs some new clothes (some NICER clothes) so we went to Southlake last night. I asked him where he wanted to shop because I wanted to buy him something. He suggested American Eagle, and he tried on some jeans and a shirt that I picked out for him. I didn't like the jeans, but oh my God, that shirt? Was hot. It's a nice shirt; long-sleeve, black, button-down. He looked so good in it, I just HAD to buy it for him! Lol.

I think I may take him out to eat for supper. Maybe Italian Bistro- I don't know...I don't have a lot of money right now. I wanted to to make last year's restaurant a traditon (the Campania's Pizza and More) and foot the bill there. But I don't think I'll have enough money. :-/

Anyway, tonight I'm spending the night with Cassie :] I'm excited! Katie wants a job with Mary Kay, and we're doing facials tonight :] Tomorrow, I'll be going to church with them, then to Cassie and Katie's apartment at TWU with the rest of the college class at their church. I'm pretty excited :] But I'm also scared that I won't be able to stay awake for very long tonight. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, as I kept sneezing, which led to the unfortunate fact of not being able to breathe again. Also, I'm afraid I might sneeze tonight while doing facials :-/ that will not be good.

Oh! And I got my grade back for my Hitler paper that I complained so much about! I MADE A 94!!!!!! I'm SO happy, and I hope that this will help my grade in History.

Well, that's all so far!

-Lindsay

Promises, promises.

Oh jeez. It's been what, 9 days since I last posted? I'm so sorry!!!
Things have been completely wacky this last week, and I haven't had time to drop by.
I promise that within the next few days, though, I'll have a new blog!

Keep reading!

-Lindsay

April Fools!

I stayed home yesterday because I woke up too late to have any hope of getting ready for work in time. So my dad left and I ate breakfast. I watched Becoming Jane, which is my new favorite movie. I watched 7th Heaven and Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. I tried to work on my english paper, but it didn't work out until later. Cassie called me and we chatted about our days and this weekend- we're planning a sleepover. :]

My mom came home from her trip in North Carolina last night. Her plane came in at 5:30, so Dad closed up the shop early and went to go get her. I baked some oatmeal cookies for her arrival home :] She said that she would try to be home by 7:00 so we could watch American Idol - she and Dad went out to eat last night after he picked her up from the airport. But they walked in at around 7:30, and I attacked her and hugged her neck; I missed her sooo much!

Good thing we have the DVR, so we can record shows and watch them at our convenience! So I got it set up so we could watch American Idol and we watched it. Come to find out, it only lasted for an hour and a half instead of two hours- BUMMER. But it was fun, anyway.
The show itself wasn't as amazing as I thought it would be, honestly. The theme of the night was any song that has been number one on the charts on iTunes. So Mom and I thought it would be this amazing show with current songs. But half of them chose songs from the 1970's. And half of them...didn't do so great.
But Danny did great, and that's all that matters :]

Anywho- I had my conference with my english teacher last night. It was at 9:30, but didn't start until 9:40. It lasted...until 10:05. Five minutes into it, I really wanted to throw my laptop across the room. Seriously. I sent Cassie a text message that said exactly that. Seriously. The whole conference was 25 minutes of my teacher telling me how bad I am at writing essays. Which, come on, I know that. But you don't have to SAY that.
All I know is- THANK GOD I don't want to write essays and poetry for a living. I just want to write about a girl's experience in high school. With a twist. You know, like Meg. Jeez.

Now I'm at The School Zone. I'm bored as heck, and I'm waiting for a response from Kevin on MySpace. Seems he logged off, though, after he asked ME to talk to HIM. The nerve!

So now I believe I am forced to write my paper for history. Which I pray I make an "A" on because in all honesty, I think I'm failing history :-/

Love,
-Lindsay