You Probably Don't Know.

You probably don't know:

-How much I miss you.
-That I can't really make my own decisions. Seriously. If somebody asks me what I want for lunch if we're out, I can't answer. Because what if the other person isn't in the mood for what I am?
-I don't like to make other people mad. So I let them choose.
-I hate it when somebody is upset with me.
-I have to make other people feel better before I make myself feel better.
-I spray my pillow with his cologne every night before I go to sleep.
-I sometimes sleep in his shirt when I get the chills.
-How much I hate fighting like this.
-That I wish I could help you, but you won't let me.
-That I cry when I get frustrated or angry. And then I get angrier when I let you see me cry, so I cry more.
-I'm a little unsure about my future, and that makes me mad. Because it's not very sexy for a girl to be unsure.
-I love to write in my journal, but sometimes my hand gets too tired to, so I play solitaire instead.
-I check my e-mail everyday, hoping to hear from you.
-I HATE it when people spell my name wrong.
-I miss high school memories, but I'm ready and excited about my future.
-I'm more responsible than you think.
-Driving only scares me if I'm in the car with my dad.

But most of all, I bet you don't know that I love you so much.I love you more than anything. I say it all the time, but I'm sorry.You probably don't know the whole story. You probably won't listen to me, even if I tried to tell you.I wish you knew. I wish you'd listen. I wish you'd understand that I didn't mean to hurt you.I wish you'd let me do things. I wish I didn't have to choose.Because I do it for you.I do it for us. You probably don't know that.

VACATION!!!

Today, I'm not feeling very well. I don't know. Maybe I've just stressed myself out so much, I just need to chill.Which is EXACTLY what I'll be doing next week!!!
On Wednesday, I have a hair appointment with Valerie next door (at the salon). I wanted to get my hair dyed, and I found a photo online that I fell in love with. I showed it to her, and she said that she could do it, since my hair isn't that dark to begin with. But after she talked to her friend (who also works there), she's going to give me all-over highlights instead; dying it would make me have horrible roots in a few months.So, whatever. On Thursday, Courtney is coming to pick me up at the shop at around 3:00. I was invited to go with her and her family to Possum Kingdom lake for the weekend!!! We're leaving on Thursday, and not coming home until Monday! She says that we're taking an RV, and we're going to go boating, and stuff.Oh man, I NEED a vacation! And I'm SOOOO excited about it, too!!
Don't worry; I'll take a million and four pictures, and post them when I get back on Monday!
In other news, my parents left me to "go eat lunch" about an hour and a half ago. I got a call from Mom a few minutes ago, saying she wanted to go to Southlake, and was going to take Dad with her. So now I'm stuck here alone...And I was the nice one that got up this morning and went to work on a Saturday!!!
Jeez.
Anyway, Kevin has been sick for a few days now. We tried to make plans for yesterday, but he had a relapse, and we had a misunderstanding of when lunch time is. But he needs to get better soon. I have to see him before I leave on Thursday.
So, leave me comments :]

Behind Your Lips.

This morning, I woke up in high hopes. I don't know why, but I woke up at 7:45, and I was in a really good mood. I've been having some wacko dreams for the past few nights, and I remember them pretty vividly. I found a shirt in the back of my drawer that I haven't worn in over a year, and I put it on. It makes me look like I have abs...No lie.Dad and I went to Wal-Mart again this morning, and I got some more yogurt and chocolate chip cookies. YUM. We walked through electronics, and I found about 23435 movies that I want.As we got to the store, Dad started telling me everything he had to to for the day. Like, grocery shopping, taking my car out to Dallas to the dealership since the 'check engine' light came on AGAIN, go get my new contacts since I can't stand more than three minutes with the other ones, and go to the bank.
But then we got to the store, and Dad showed me how to fill out checks for when you get a bill in. I'm not sure why...but whatever. I got in a little yelling fight with him about something else, and my morning kind of went down hill. I called Kevin a little bit before 11:00, since that's when he had to go to work. I told him good morning, and that I hoped he had a great day. And the thing that made my day a little better was that he was quiet for a minute, and then he went, "You know. I think that you calling me is going to make my day so much better than it would've been." And I don't know. It was just so sweet.
But everything between Dad and I is okay now.
I wanted to get my hair dyed today...I want to go BLONDE. And the lady next door (we work by a salon) said that she would do it for me. She just doesn't think I would look good as a blonde, or my hair wouldn't go that light. But I don't think I can do it today, because my dad just left.
So I'm stuck here for the next three and a half hours!Ugggghhhh.

Iron Man.

This morning, I woke up at around 6:30, and my mom was getting ready for her day in the bathroom. Usually, I wake up at 4:30, and the light is on, because she gets up so freaking early. But she had to be at admin today instead of school for some reason, so she didn't have to leave the house until 8:30. So, I fell back asleep, and woke up again at 8:00, and decided to eat some breakfast. My stomach wouldn't shut up.
I walked down the hall, and heard the television. Mom was still down in the den, eating a waffle, when I came around the corner. I gave her a hug, and talked to her for a few minutes. We woke Dad up by accident, so he got up and started getting ready for today, too. Mom left, and I had a waffle as well.
Both Dad and I were ready by 9:00, so we left, and spent a good 45 minutes at Wal-Mart. We walked out of there with a book for Mom for her birthday (in June) and a journal for me. And can I just say...I think I'm the only loser that gets excited about a journal. BUT IT'S SO COOL! It's pink, brown, and orange, and has polka-dots and stripes. It's totally cute, and a major steal at $3.95!
Right now, my dad is at home, doing laundry for Mom so she won't have to spend Mother's Day weekend doing laundry. Awwwe. When he gets back, I plan on going to get a haircut next door at Classic Cuts. I can't wait to have semi-thinner hair. That's all I want. Really. I'm sick of this big poof of frizz on my head. Whatever. At least I won't have problems with balding when I get older.
Tonight, I'm going to go see Iron Man with Kevin, and then we're going to go eat supper at Chili's. I'm super excited because I haven't seen him since our anniversary. But crap...I didn't bring a camera!!! And I have his at my house, so maybe I could use a cell phone for pictures.Dad went to go get lunch at Whataburger, and Mom came by to say hi, and then called Dad and told him to get her something, too. So she took her lunch and left a few minutes later. I'm kind of scared, though, that she saw the bag with all of her stuff in it that we've bought her! Kevin stopped by to say hey, since he thought he worked today, but he was one of the people that if somebody didn't want to work, they'd call him to fill in. So he got a free day today. LUCKY. My mom won't be home until late tonight, and I feel sorry for Dad, because he'll be home by himself tonight. Mom said I should invite him to go with us to the movies and stuff. And I want to, I just don't think he'd have fun with two 19-year-olds for hours on end. Okay, maybe, like...four hours. But whatever. Plus, he said Iron Man looked dumb...which, I'd have to agree with him on that. I guess I'll see tonight!
But, for now, I have a customer, and I'm going to leave.
Love,-Lindsay

I Get The Nerd.

So, I'm writing a story. It's the same one as the one that starts out as "I hate reading aloud..." I've posted that one.I'm at a part now where Lily has gotten various phone calls and instant messages from some random guy. She's not sure if he's some creepy stalker dude, or somebody that could actually like her.The guy had set a date for the two of them to meet in front of their school at 8:15. (Lily has NO idea who the guy is.)::
Okay, it's, like 8:25 in the morning. I had my dad drop me off at school early this morning, just so I could get this stupid meet-the-stalker thing over with. I knew it was too good to be true. He's probably not going to come. He's probably standing inside the school right now with all of his buddies, huddled up behind a wall, and laughing his head off because I'm such a humongous loser.
And now I have to go through those doors, and probably will be bombarded by seven to ten guys, and I will be mocked for the rest of my stupid life.
Great. 8:28. He's late for his own date. His own date that HE set. Maybe he is coming. Maybe I should go inside, and when he finally shows up, I should just act like I'm just getting here, too. Because if I just stand here, and he walks up to me, he'll think I'm way too eager for our little meeting.
But what if we actually end up together? We can't ever make a date now. Not after this. Not since now I know that he's always late. Okay, what the crap? It's 8:32. That's it. I'm going inside. I don't care anymore. So what if he gave me butterflies for the whole night? So what if he called me cutie? I'm probably right: he's probably that weird guy in my Physics class that has longer hair than ME. I always see him stare at me. I know that he does, and so I turn around and look at him, and he looks away. CRAP it's probably him!!
Why me? Seriously. WHY?
I swear, I only attract the weirdoes!
But I mean, what if it is him? What if I see Mister-My-Hair-Is-Longer-Than-Yours, and he saunters up to me, all casually, and hands me, like, a rose, or something. And then asks me to be his girlfriend. Um no thanks, Long-Hair.
You know what? I'm being judgmental. That's it. I'm judging him before I even get a chance to get to know him.
But please, for the love of GOD, don't let it be him!!
Oh man, oh man, oh man. He's not coming. The bell for everybody to get to class rings at, like, 8:52. And it's…CRAP! It's 8:40! Okay, I don't like this guy. I REALLY don't like this guy.
That's it. I'm going inside.
That's--
***Tell me what you think!

TWO YEARS.

So, as I've repeated a million and four times, Monday was mine and Kevin's two-year anniversary. I think, if it's possible, it was the best day of my young life. Well, I've had a lot of great days. But I think that the fact that it was our two years kind of made it a little better.
Kevin picked me up from The School Zone at 2:00. Well, a little earlier, but I was filling out gift certificates for my dad, so Kevin and I didn't leave until 2:00. We went back to his house, and since we were the only ones home, we pulled out the radio, and blared it in the kitchen. Kevin poured some wine, and then poured half of his glass down the drain, while I had two glasses.I gave him his present (A shirt and cologne from Buckle) and he LOVED it. (Yay!!)We stayed at his house for a little longer, and then headed out to Southlake Town Square. We went into Buckle, and I tried on an outfit that I wanted A LOT. We went to Starbucks, and Barnes and Noble. I got a call from Kevin's mom, saying that she wanted us to come home before it got dark, since the Neon isn't supposed to be driven at night, because of the busted headlight. We sat by the fountain for a while, and felt the cool breeze (and some water) across our faces.Kevin had gotten reservations to eat at 7:00, but since Mom said to be home soon, we went at around 6:15, 6:30. He took me to Camnian's Pizza and More. We sat on the rooftop patio; so romantic! We each had chicken alfredo, and then split a dessert. It was sooooo delicous!! We took so many pictures of the place. We sat on a couch that overlooked the view. It was very cool.
While we were in Buckle, I got a phone call from my mom. We had seen an some shirts in the Target ad that we wanted. One had butterflies, one had dragonflies, and one had flowers. She asked if we were going to go to Target so we could get a shirt for her, since they were only $7.99, and Tuesday was TAKS for my mom.So, after Kevin and I ate, we went back to his house, and his mom wasn't home yet, so we went upstairs. We played Halo 3 for a while, and then Kyle got home. I guess I didn't automatically register the fact that since Kyle was home, that meant that Mom was home, but I just kept on playing Halo.We talked to Kyle for a while, and then went downstairs to grab the keys from Mom. We took her car out to Target in Keller.
On the way over, Kevin began to reminisce. He went to Keller High School for a couple of years, and started to tell me about all of his friends, and his girlfriend that he had in 10th grade.The thing that impressed me the most about Monday was that he played country music everywhere we went. Well, except for a few minutes, but whatever. On the way to Target, Tim McGraw's "My Little Girl" came on, and I cried like a little girl.It's official: I have to wear waterproof makeup for my wedding.ANYWAY. We got into Target, and I found only one of the shirts: the butterfly one. I bought it, and I found some face wash. (PS- The Wave? WORKS! My face is so smooth!!)I tried to use my debit card to buy both of them, but it wouldn't work for some reason, so Kevin bought me the face wash. <3He also bought a CD, that I still have to put on my iPod!By that time, it was almost 10:00, and Dad called me and said he wanted me home, since I had been out for 8 hours. Fair enough.So, Kevin took me home.We were sitting in the car outside of my house, and the neighbors went outside, and got in their car. But they didn't leave. They just turned on their headlights and just SAT THERE. So Kevin and I talked, and I got weirded out by the headlights, so I started to get out of the car, and Kevin was like, "Where are you going?" And I said, "You never walk me to my door." So, he got out of the car, and walked me to the door! I thought it was cute.When we got to the doorstep, he got all giddy, and was like, "TWO YEARS!" And had this humongous smile on his face.So, I think he had a good day.I know I did.
And, um.TWO YEARS!!

Rocks My Socks.

Just a note:
I was watching Live With Regis and Kelly this morning.
Matthew Broderick was a guest on the show.
They were talking about the new movie he's going to be in, with Helen Hunt.
He began to talk about it, and he said, "Yeah, she's been working really hard on it..." and then he stopped, drifted off, and came back and said, "I just said 'hard-on'."
It was just the most random thing ever.
I think Regis got a little embarrassed about that. He was like, "We caught that, but you didn't have to repeat it!"

Anyway,
My two years with Kevin? Was simply....AMAZING!

Lindsay, out.